Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
