he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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