it's like iHOP with fire
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
