Just fell off a train. Bad.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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