honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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