i don't like sucking hair
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
