How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
