i can't believe i had my finger in that
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
