Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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