Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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