i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I believe in your delicious
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
