well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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