i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
