so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
