Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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