you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
