I think i peed on brittanys purse
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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