so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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