We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
