"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
