in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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