yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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