So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
