i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
