First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
