So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
