Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
