I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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