I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
