i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
