so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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