Fuck appropriateness.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
