Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just invented taco cereal.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
