apparently the secret to your success is patron
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I lost the right to judge tonight
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
