so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
