I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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