This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
