Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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