I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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