She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Randomize
