You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
