just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
