Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
