i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
