what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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