I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
