I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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