When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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