Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
