Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
