His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
