You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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