I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
