bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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